When communicating with children, it is important to be mindful of the impact our words can have on their well-being and self-esteem. Here are some examples of toxic statements that should be avoided when talking to children:
Making unhealthy comparisons.
"Why aren't you liking your brothers, relatives,
or other children?" "Other kids are smarter
than you."
Such comparisons can damage a child's self-
esteem and lead them to believe that no matter
how hard they try, they will never be good
enough.
Simultaneously comparing siblings simply
fosters an unpleasant bond between them,
generating envy and anger.
Criticism towards a child for acting like a child.
"Why are you behaving so strangely?"
"What are you doing walking that way?"
"How come you chew like that?"
"Why do you move or speak like that?"
Children are wired to trust everything their
parents tell them.
Sarcastic or critical questions can give a
child the false idea that they have a problem.
This makes it difficult for a child, even adults,
to be themselves with other people.
Making selfish wishes
"I wish you hadn't been born."
"I wish I could have had an abortion, and I'm
sad to have you."
"I wish you weren't the way you are."
Such things should never be said to a child by
Sa parent.
Remarks like these make the child feel as
though they don't belong in the world and
don't deserve to be alive, leading to low self-
esteem, depression, and self-harm.
Parents should instead make their children feel
loved and worthwhile.
Complaining about the difficulties of raising a child
"It cost me a lot of money because of you."
"It's tough having you since it's so difficult
to take care of you."
< A child who is made to feel like a burden will
often mask or conceal their genuine needs,
feelings, and issues to avoid their parents'
wrath.
This avoidance has been linked to children
becoming more prone to thievery or even
violence as they grow older.
Criticism of a child's physical appearance
"You're ugly, too fat, too small, or too
skinny." "You have bad hair."
< Humiliation of a child because of his or her
appearance might create feelings of
insecurity and concern about one's own body.
Parents should educate their children on how
to enjoy themselves regardless of them
external looks.
Using offensive words and statements
'You're dumb, useless, and a zero!" or
"You'll never do it!"
Absolute statements like this will erode a
child's self-esteem.
It is critical for parents to be a source of
encouragement.
Threatening to leave
"I'm going to leave you, set you aside."
"When you wake up, you'll never see me
again." "I'II just vanish."
These words will cause the child to develop
abandonment issues, making them fearful
that people they care about would desert
them because of who they are.
This thought will become subconsciously
ingrained in the child's head as he or she
grows older.
Because they are afraid of being abandoned,
they will not trust their future relationships.
Making hollow promises
"I'II buy you this if you do this." "I'll take
you their next time,"
For example. When parents make promises
that they do not keep, the child loses trust.
It gives the child the impression that he or
she has been duped.
False promises educate children not to
trust others, even when they should.
Insults and Name-Calling:
Avoid using derogatory terms or insults that can demean or belittle a child's character or appearance. This includes words like "stupid," "fat," or any other derogatory language.
Comparisons:
Avoid making unfavorable comparisons between children, such as comparing them to their siblings or peers. These comparisons can lead to feelings of inadequacy and can damage their self-esteem.
Invalidating Feelings:
Dismissing or belittling a child's emotions can be harmful. Phrases like "Stop crying, it's not a big deal" or "You're overreacting" can make children feel unheard and suppress their emotional expression.
Threats or Ultimatums:
Using threats or ultimatums as a disciplinary tactic can instil fear and anxiety in children. Phrases like "If you don't behave, I will leave you here" or "You'll never see your friends again" are not conducive to healthy communication.
Negativity and Criticism:
Constantly focusing on a child's mistakes or flaws without acknowledging their efforts or strengths can be damaging. Instead, offer constructive feedback and highlight positive aspects of their behaviour or achievements.
Guilt-Tripping:
Avoid using guilt as a means of controlling or manipulating children. Phrases like "If you loved me, you would do this" or "You're making me sad" can burden children with unnecessary guilt and emotional distress.
Invalidating Experiences:
Dismissing or trivializing a child's experiences or concerns can make them feel unimportant or unheard. It's essential to validate their feelings and provide a safe space for open communication.
Strict Gender Stereotyping:
Avoid reinforcing rigid gender stereotypes that limit a child's self-expression and potential. Encourage them to explore their interests and talents without imposing societal expectations based on their gender.
Remember, it is crucial to foster a supportive and nurturing environment for children, where they feel valued, respected, and empowered. Positive and affirming communication can go a long way in building their self-esteem and emotional well-being.
